Go beyond surface level self care – and build a ritual that supports the deepest parts of yourself.

By Erin Daugherty

Self love is different for everyone… because it’s something only for you and your benefit, no one else’s. Self love is sacred. Self love is a necessary part of life if you want to be the happiest and healthiest version of you that you can be. In this blog post, I am going to re-frame what “self love” actually looks like, and share how to build an intentional and supportive routine that makes you feel special, relaxed, and appreciated.

Contrary to many social media posts that are out there these days, self love is not necessarily spending money on a lavish spa day, going shopping, or checking off every item on your to-do list. Self love does not need to be expensive, exhausting, or filled with pressure. Self love should ideally be the opposite of all these things. In some circumstances, self love has become more of a trend than a sacred routine. It’s time to make the shift back to self love’s roots of simplicity, flow, and ease. 

For self love to feel sacred, keeping things simple and accessible is one of the biggest factors. It’s not about all that you do, but the energy and intention behind why you are doing it. The goal today is to assist you in developing a self love ritual or routine that you can easily rely on whenever you need more of that energy in your life. Your self love time can be a daily, weekly, or monthly routine – whatever suits your energy and time best. 

Consider the ways that you currently show yourself love and compassion. It’s recommended to open up a fresh page in your journal and start jotting these down. The ways in which you show yourself love can be anything from journaling, taking cleansing showers, eating a proper three meals a day, getting sufficient rest, stretching or moving your body, taking care of plants – anything that calms you down, brings you peace, and helps you connect with the loving energy that is within and around you. Aim to reach twenty to thirty different ways that you show yourself love. They can be anything that sparks feelings of love, joy, peace, and contentment. Try not to include too many hygiene acts, unless that is something you truly do love doing for yourself. 

Next, you are going to narrow down this list to be the things that you enjoy doing the most. Stick to maybe your top fifteen or so. You can do this by lightly crossing off things you have already written down, or starting a fresh page. Then, narrow it down even further by leaving only the acts of self love that cost no money and everything you need in order to do it is already available at home. Ideally, you should be left with a core to seven or so acts of self love on your list.

This list is going to become the framework for your self love routine. In order to make your routines feel as sacred as possible, consider grouping two to three acts of self love together, rather than doing it all at once. You certainly can have a self love routine that is seven or more steps long, but for today you are trying to build a short, daily self love routine, and a slightly longer weekly self love routine. 

Remember, extravagance is not the goal here – simplicity and accessibility is. Consider if there are any acts of self love on this final list that you already pair together. This might be a natural routine for you, so that would be something to keep and reinforce through making it even more sacred and intentional.

Creating a weekly self love routine reinforces all of the simple daily actions that you take, and it is always good to take a little extra time for yourself (even just an hour or so) once a week. If there is a day or time you consistently have off work or spend alone, this is the perfect time to utilize intentional self love. I recommend blocking this time out on your calendar every week, like it’s an important appointment to show up for! Taking your self love seriously shows yourself that you are reliable and follow through on your intentions. This is very important for your relationship with yourself.

Your daily self love routine can be in the morning, midday, evening, or even multiple times a day. It can be as simple as using an essential oil and taking a few deep breaths, writing in your journal, taking a shower with your favorite products, spending time with crystals and nature, or stretching for five or ten minutes. Ideally, your daily routine does not take up much more than thirty minutes to an hour of your time. If you can carve out space for more, you are certainly encouraged to do so, but be realistic here. Five minutes of deep breathing in the shower or journaling once a day is still a great place to start.

In comparison. your weekly self love routine should be a bit longer, and possibly still include your daily routine. Think an hour, or even three hours if you can make space for it. Your weekly self love routine might expand on some of the acts in your daily routine, like maybe you take a ritual bath instead of a shower and spend more time journaling. If you have hobbies that mean a lot to you, such as reading, taking care of plants, creating art, going hiking, writing letters to people you love, you can include intentional time for them in your self love routines as well. 

The goal is to make your weekly self love routine as playful and enjoyable as possible. If something feels like a chore, do not include it on this list. Think about what would make your childhood self happy, to have special time for every week. Those are great things to include, if you are able!

Now that the elements of ease, affordability, accessibility, and enjoyment have been applied to your self love routines, we can dive into what really makes them so impactful – actually being consistent with them, and showing up in honor of these intentions that you have set forth. Whenever you are practicing your acts of self love, do your best to focus only on doing that one thing. Try to eliminate other distractions, even the ones that come from within, and instead focus on the undeniable emotions of love and appreciation that arise in the process. This is a chance to remind yourself that there is much to be proud of yourself for, much to be grateful for, and much to love yourself for!

You might have to revisit this post and your list in a couple of weeks if you have found yourself not to be consistent in following the routines you have implemented, and that is okay. 

Finding what fits best and feels most supportive of your life might change throughout certain phases and times of the year. This can make your list of your acts of self love a resource for you to refer back to whenever you need to update and reinvent your self love routines. Some people find it helpful to reflect on their goals and intentions for the upcoming months, and update whatever is needed in their routines accordingly. Oftentimes this is done quarterly with the changing of seasons.

At the end of the day, simply making time to spend with yourself is so important to know who you are and feel love for that person. No matter where you are in your self love journey, it’s always a good time to check in with yourself and how things are feeling. If there is anything that you can do to better support yourself and make you feel loved in the world, you deserve that. Whether it’s writing in a journal, more time invested into a passion, or even taking a weekly hike to recharge your batteries. Self love is exactly what it sounds like, and this is your encouragement to practice it as such.

No more performing, no more expensive appointments, no more to-do lists.

Just you, yourself, and the things you treasure most in your life. 

That’s the “secret” to a self love routine that actually feels sacred.

With love and light always,

The Spiritual Sunflower

 

To continue your self love practices, consider these related links:

Loving affirmations download

Affirmations for self love and healthy relationships download

Purposeful morning journaling routine

Putting together a self care routine you'll actually stick to