Social media doesn’t have to drain your spirit.
Use social media technology consciously while keeping your energy grounded.

By Erin Daugherty

As someone who’s been using social media since a young age, the balance of digital life and real life has been an ongoing topic. I’ve written papers for class projects and school newsletters over the years on the purpose of social media and how to have a healthy relationship with it, but it remains increasingly important to revisit as online platforms become more ingrained in our daily lives. 

The best advice I have found success in implementing over the years regarding social media boundaries are using it as a tool, rather than for comfort or escape, and having “business hours” so to speak that dictate when you are active on social platforms. Thankfully there are currently settings a part of this technology to help reinforce these boundaries, such as content filters and time monitoring so the app is not as easily accessible after a specified length of time spent on it. Either way, you still have to follow through on these boundaries set forth for yourself, because there is always a way around these settings. 

Building a relationship with social media as a tool rather than a source for comfort, escape, and validation involves a number of steps. 

First, you must become aware of why you are opening the app, and when you are doing so. Is it in response to stress, trauma, or boredom? The goal is for your opening social media apps to be as little for these reasons as possible, and more for inspiration, connection, and self expression. 

Try to avoid opening social media if it is not coming from a productive space. Consider affirming in your journal that you have a healthy, productive relationship with social media, and then follow through on these affirmations in real time. You might want to journal about what you did on social platforms each day, and why, to help you further identify areas for improvement. 

Second, you must become aware of the time you are spending on each app and what exactly you are spending that time doing. Are you mindlessly scrolling, or intentionally reading posts and engaging with mindful comments? This part involves identifying how you are consuming and responding to the content that you are viewing. I recommend going into the settings on your phone or device to view how much time you are spending on social apps on a daily basis. Take that time, and try to cut it in half (or at least to be under two hours a day). Think of all that you can accomplish in your days if you had just a little more time for yourself. Those minutes add up! Remember, your time and energy is valuable. 

The third step is ensuring your content feed aligns with your goals for inspiration and connection on social platforms by removing any accounts that are purely for entertainment, fuel jealousy or imposter syndrome, or simply aren't relevant connections to your current life. (Yes, that includes the people you haven't spoken to since middle school or high school.) Do not feel bad for unfollowing people that you do not know or do not engage with. Instead, aim to follow people that actively inspire you, share common interests, and provide value to your life in some way. For some people, the best way to do this is by starting fresh with an entirely new account. 

In the process of clearing out and aligning your feed, work on releasing the need for validation through engagement on your posts. Post for yourself, without attachment to who sees it, comments on it, or shares it. Affirm in your journal that you use social media for self expression, to connect with the people you love, and share moments of value. Social media should not be stressful – it should be fun, and freeing.

You can continue to reinforce a healthy relationship with social platforms by setting hours of activity for yourself. For example, maybe you only check social media at times between the hours of 9:00AM to 9:00PM. Maybe for the first hour or two you are awake and the last hour or two before going to bed, you refrain from opening social platforms. You can also enforce discipline by placing time limits on apps in settings, and respecting these limits you have placed for yourself. 

Sometimes this is truly easier said than done, especially if you are someone like me who uses social media to run a small business. Whether you are making money from posts or building a brand, it can be difficult to ignore notifications and the temptation to log on at all hours of the day to be available for your audience and clients. This is where finding the balance that works for you really comes into play, because no two people are exactly the same. 

Even if these boundaries are just a guideline for some time, every minute that you gain for yourself, your health, and your physical life is worth the sacrifice in your digital life. True fulfillment and progress comes from getting off of our screens and taking action. 

I realize that myself, like many other writers on this topic, is a bit of a hypocrite. As I sit here on my computer writing a blog post, I have taken a couple breaks to respond to messages and scroll through a few posts. There are phases where I struggle not to look at my phone first thing in the morning and last thing before I go to bed, and the first time I wrote about healthy relationships with social media was in 2019 or so. Sometimes I still go out to eat and sit on my phone. Some days I am not on my phone all day, and other days I can’t seem to get off of it. I am only human. 

The reality is that social platforms are addicting, even if you are someone using them for work and doing all of the things to have a healthy relationship with them. Writing this post, I am 26 years old, and I first began using sites like Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram at around fourteen. That’s already over a decade, while some people have been using them for much longer. So there’s no denying that social media is a “necessary evil” for us all to confront at one point or another in our lives. 

To encourage balance with your digital life, give even more time and respect to your physical life. Prioritize the local community, spend time in person with the people you love, and literally do anything that gets you away from screens. Bring back spontaneous sunset walks, pick up that new hobby you’ve been thinking about, and make intentional plans to see friends without being on the phone. Stop live posting, and start living. 

It sounds so simple. But in a world where sometimes all you have to stay in touch with someone is their Instagram username, the pull to stay “in the loop” is undeniably strong. Let’s not forget that social platforms (even payment apps like Venmo and Cashapp at this point) will delay and spread out notifications to further entice you to open up their platform again. And let’s be honest, The Weather Channel sends us all five random notifications a day that we didn’t ask for. Plus it actually takes time and energy to clear out a following list, specialize notification settings for all applications, and set up time limits in settings. 

This doesn’t mean that building a healthy relationship with social media is impossible – it just takes intentional action and commitment to follow through on. 

If you notice your eyes straining, your thumbs endlessly swiping, and your brain feeling numb… Hop off for now. Start somewhere, even if it’s just listening to your body. The last thing that any of us want is to realize in ten years we have nothing to show for ourselves, because we spent those years working a corporate job just to pay rent, go home, and scroll. 

Building an amazing and fulfilling life requires presence, and social media can be the biggest downfall in accomplishing that, if not used correctly. But since it’s not going anywhere, you might as well learn to use it as a beneficial tool for connection, inspiration, and self expression. And really, that is exactly what it was intended for in the first place. 

To really lock in your progress with social media, remember to be grateful for the ways it does help you and bring value to your life. How lucky are we to be able to stay in touch with friends and family across oceans in such easy and accessible ways. How lucky are we to make one post and reach tens to hundreds to thousands of other humans with common interests! How lucky are we to have this online space, while also having the power to LOG OFF and enjoy everything that life has to offer.

Signing off now, 

The Spiritual Sunflower